The PickleGlitch Rating System

I rate everything on a 5 pickle scale. But what is the deeper meaning behind the pickles? That's something we've all wondered about at some point in our lives. Here's a rough breakdown of what different ratings mean.

Technically 0 pickles is the lowest rating, but anything that bad is something I won't speak of publicly. Such traumas are between me, my therapist and the Great God Gherkin.

1 Pickle or less:

These pickles are toxic. They are probably made with battery acid instead of vinegar. The filmmakers should probably be sent to The Hague. At the very least they should be ashamed of themselves and no one should watch the movie.

1.5 - 2 Pickles:

These pickles are not toxic but they also aren't worth eating. The film is bad, and should be avoided, but one could potentially watch it without any lasting harmful side effects.

2 1/2 Pickles:

Just your standard store brand pickles. Some will enjoy the film, some won't. It is of average quality. Unremarkable. Perfectly room temperature. Medium. You get the idea.

3 - 3.5 Pickles:

Name brand pickles. They're good but nothing mind-blowing. This is a film you could watch more than once.

4 - 4.5 Pickles:

Amazing pickles. Great crunch, great flavor. You can eat these on the regular. The film is worth multiple viewings.

5 Pickles:

These are those rare perfect pickles you found at a farmer's market one time and you might never find anything else like them. The film is a masterwork. The filmmakers should be inducted into the secret society of elites who control the world from the shadows. They won't be, of course, because they aren't lizard people. But they should be.